Self-doubt? Here's how to benefit from it.
A Personal Story on Self-Doubt and Value
I had a long talk with a friend today, among many things, we talked about how all of us are wired differently, have different strengths, weaknesses, desires, and inner narratives - and yet, we always compare ourselves to others.
During the conversation, we talked about creating value. And in the process, I realised that over the years I have completely changed my perspective on what “value” is. And it helped me transition from a feeling of inferiority to a feeling of strength. So I thought I’ll share with you this personal story.
It's a story of grappling with self-doubt, of feeling overshadowed by the very success I helped others achieve. In this journey, I discovered something invaluable - self-doubt is not just a roadblock; it's a roadmap. Stick with me, and by the end, I'll share how you can turn those whispers of doubt into voices of strength, drawing from my own experiences and the lessons they taught me.
Driving Corporate Strategy & Innovation, Feeling Inferior
In my past corporate life, I ran a large innovation accelerator program. Its’ mission was to increase revenue and save cost through innovative use of data and technology.
I worked with the leadership team to define an innovation strategy, understanding their pain points and growth goals. Then, I collaborated with their teams (25 - 30 business and tech experts) to develop ideas and validate them through an innovation process. I managed a resulting portfolio of ideas, allocating funding to each initiative.
During these years, I saw people come up with truly great ideas and display persistence, passion, and grit to develop and execute them. This inspired me, but I also felt like inferior - telling myself "I only ran the innovation accelerator, I didn't actually create the breakthrough change".
This makes me feel inferior because I can't maintain the same level of "execution". I couldn't create and stick with a product and strategy, or go through the work required to craft the best version of it and grow it.
Even after leaving the corporate environment, as I saw other success stories all the time, I caught myself with similar thoughts. For example, I enjoy playing around with AI and new technology. And while I just play and experiment, I see others building complex tools and solutions, sticking with it, and delivering “real value”, raising funds or MRR.
Comparing Apples to Pears Socks
Looking back, I realise that the people I compared myself with where the most successful innovators or entrepreneurs - the top 5%.
Not only this, but I also compared my weak spots (ability to execute on an innovative initiative or business in a very specific industry vertical) against their strengths (execution mindset and subject matter expertise). No wonder I would beat myself down!
Recently, I realised that my difficulty to execute stems from not caring about the subject matter as much as others - I'm a people person, and I like to please people.
I always thought, "Oh shit, that's a weakness. I shouldn't care about what other people think" or "I don't have the value system to make it higher up the corporate latter, because I don't care about numbers, I just care what others think". Well, there’s truth in it, and that's why I had to leave the corporate world, or at least the strategy & innovation role I was in.
So not only was I comparing my weak spots to the strengths of the best out there, but I also saw my own strength as a weak spot! No wonder I beat myself up!
Changing the Narrative
Now, in my 40s and having done a lot of inner work during a long career break (in Bali), I have a different Perspective. I know I likely developed the above patterns due to childhood traumas, resulting in a strong need to be accepted and valued by others to feel worthy. But I also learned to love myself just as I am, and now I can reframe these traits as a strength, rather than a weakness.
When I work on a project, I lose interest after a while, but when I work with people, my focus remains strong. That's where I like to go deep, where I'm curious, and where I genuinely want to help. My goal is to ensure that the person I'm working with achieves full satisfaction.
Embracing the Newfound Strength
Thinking back to my corporate role, I learned to leverage this in my work. I knew that my senior leader, who I connected really well with, wanted to execute on his strategy. That was what drove me. It was not the money that came in; it was that this individual that I respected really wanted this thing to be a success.
I don't care as much about business success and numbers, but at the same time I will take someone else’s TRUE goals, and well-being very seriously. If they call me up with a problem, I'll be there.
An example: If it's 5 p.m., my family is having dinner, and my boss says, "I need you to look at this report urgently," I will say, "I can't right now; I'm having dinner. I will get back to you tomorrow." But if this person tells me they feel really stressed and don't know what to do, my value system get's triggered - and I'll excuse myself from dinner to help.
In certain instances, this can be a weakness because it can be abused, and people can take advantage of you. But over the years I practiced and mastered my boundary management. And then, this value system turns into a massive strength. I get more dopamine from good client testimonial than from a Stripe notification.
And people notice. It is reflected in the testimonials I receive, such as this one:
I get even more dopamine if I see the client implement (e.g. via X) what we have discussed together. But for obvious reasons, I can’t share examples of this.
Now, I realize this genuine curiosity and care is my strength. And I can apply it by empowering people to better understand themselves, reach their goals and feel better about their lives. I'm there as a partner for the long run.
And suddenly I don't feel inferior anymore.
New Perspectives For Your Self-Doubt
So, there it is - my walk through the fog of self-doubt to the clarity of understanding my true value. It's easy to feel inferior by the achievements of others, especially in a world that glorifies certain kinds of success. But your self-doubt, much like mine, can be a powerful teacher. Here's what I learned, and I hope it helps you too.
Explore the Doubt: What is your self-doubt story? Meditate on it, journal about it, talk with a friend, coach or therapist. The goal is to shed light and explore.
Embrace the Doubt: It's there for a reason. It's asking you to look closer, to find what really matters to you.
Shift Your Perspective: Like I did, see your doubt not as a weakness but as a sign pointing towards your true strengths.
Stay Curious: Let your doubts fuel your journey of exploration. For me, it was about understanding people over projects.
Set Your Boundaries: Master the art of saying 'no' when needed. Your self-worth is not defined by how much you can do for others.
Your self-doubt is a part of who you are, and it's there to guide you, not hinder you. Use it, learn from it, and let it lead you to where you truly belong.